While we were in London, D found something like this Bookcase wallpaper the glorious Dorky Medievalist sent me. (I covet it. Perhaps for the guest bathroom?) When D discovered it, it was like a whole new realm of strategy opened up in his war on my library. He became very excited: "How 'bout we just get rid of all the books and replace them with wallpaper that LOOKS like books?"
There followed an acid pause.
Then I said, "I've consulted with the books, and they think I should buy D wallpaper for every room and get rid of YOU."