Doe (A Deer, A Female Deer) vs. Me (A Name I Call Myself)

Look, this is what it means to live by yourself in the middle of nowhere: I just had a prolonged conversation with a deer and her two fawns.

SYCORAX PINE: 

"Oh, look: the deer are back! Aren't they beautiful?" [Snap pictures and message them to D. Text this commentary: "My new friends!" Then: "Why is this deer looking at me like he is about to make everyone I've ever loved disappear?.... Seriously, I just looked up after spending several minutes painstakingly typing that, and he was still staring. Hadn't moved a muscle."] "Wait, are they eating my lilies?" [Open window.] "Hey! You! Don't eat those."

THE DEER: 

[Look up suddenly, like they are all three thinking about making everyone I've ever loved disappear.]

SYC. PINE: 

"That's right. Step away from the lilies. It's the better part of valor."

DEER: 

[STARE.]

SYC. PINE: 

"OK, think it over. You'll come to the right decision in the end."

DEER, in an obviously scathing commentary on our hierarchy of power: 

[Duck heads and begin to eat again.]

SYC. PINE: 

"Don't make me come out there."

DEER: 

[Unconcerned.]

SYC. PINE: 

"I'm coming out there. You're gonna wish I hadn't." [Storm out the door. Pull up short when I see...]

Deer: 

[Stare at me even more intensely. Stomp in a show of territorial assertion.]

SYC. PINE: 

[Stomp in a manner that should have been highly deer-eloquent, but in a human just seems petulant.]

Deer: 

[Stare at me in perplexity. Look at each other like a couple at a dinner party seeing their friends begin to have an embarrassingly public fight.]

SYC. PINE: 

"Don't you give each other that look. I'm not crazy. (I do wish I were filming this, though. I think these deer are condescending to me.)" [Point off into forest.] "It's been nice, but I think you'd better be on your way."

DEER, after a pregnant moment: 

[Disdainfully turn and make their way into the woods in a leisurely single file that says nothing so much as "I'm not leaving because you've won this argument, I'm leaving because I'm bored."]

I'm just sayin': if Calico-Colored Guinea Pig shows up, I'm staying inside the house:


 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Farfara

One Response so far.

  1. We have urban foxes but they never hang around to chat.

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